Alzheimer’s and art

Why I have been away from my art studio.

My dad has Alzheimer’s.

He was diagnosed in 2019 after a few incidences that led us to getting him a brain scan. My mum has had to be an unpaid carer, dealing with his mental deterioration and frustrations as well as learning how to deal with matters of running of a house that she had never had to do before.

In November last year I couldn’t bear the guilt of listening to her struggles whilst she phoned from England and not be able to get round to help her.

 So, I decided to take 6 months unpaid leave from my part time teaching job, lock up my art studio, leave my husband to deal with our teenage son and fly down to live and care for them both.

An emotional rollercoaster.

It has been hard and very emotional. Anger, confusion, frustrations, sadness, loneliness and exhaustion mixed in with moments of laughter, gratefulness and real love. Emotions felt by all three of us.

I have spent most of my time with Dad attempting puzzles (toddler aged), drawing, dancing, reminiscing, singing but mainly just being there next to him. We also always went out for a daily walk.

This month we have had to make the heart wrenching decision to put him in a permanent care home, as I have to go back home to Scotland.

Why did I move down?

As I said before, I had to save Mum. No one cares for the carer. She was sleep deprived and her husband was becoming a stranger in front of her eyes.

I wanted to help them both laugh again. To look into each other’s eyes and remember the good times rather than the anger and frustrations that they both saw in the present day.

I wanted to help my dad understand what he was going through and ease him through the fogginess of this awful disease.

I needed to help Mum make phone calls and sort out admin whilst one of us dealt with interruptions of toilet disasters or imaginary people running through the house.

I wanted to spend quality time with my dad before he forgot who I was.

What have I learnt?

I have seen how behaviour is a form of communication. When Dad was saying nasty things to me first thing in the morning he was too scared to say ‘I don’t know where I am?’ or ‘I just want to be the husband/Dad I used to be’ Lashing out is easier to do when you want to communicate your frustrations.

I have learnt to slow down, and I mean really slow down! Sitting in silence. Walking at a snail’s pace. But this has led me to be so much more mindful. Noticing tiny changes in nature, the differences in bird song, cloud shapes passing.

I have seen how being out in nature has a huge effect on our wellbeing. Dad’s anger would seep away as he inhaled the fresh air on a cold January day. His shoulders physically dropped and he could converse in sentences that made sense.

And of course, I learnt how invaluable art was. I could draw things to make Dad laugh. I could sketch Dad whilst we sat in silence. I could release my own feelings into a sketchbook after Dad had gone to bed. I could refuel my spirit with ‘playing with paint’ in order to be ready to support others again. I could keep my bored mind from degenerating into slime by joining online art classes and learning new techniques. Art has been my therapy. My life line.

Would I do all this again?

Without a doubt.

It has been a privilege to spend so many months with my dad, even though I only caught small windows of my real dad each day

Dad and I on one of our daily walks.